Long Time No Blog

I rarely write in here these days, usually preferring to keep things to myself and deal with them in my own way, but perhaps that’s the wrong way to go about it.

It’s no secret to people I know that I’m not in the best of health but I thought, perhaps wrongly, that I dealt with it ok. The days where I am in total despair I prefer to sit in my corner, get my head down and not bring any attention to myself. I work in a big open plan office where privacy can only be gained through sitting in a toilet cubicle; but there you’re limited to eight minutes as the motion activated lights switch off after this time. The sensors only react to movement from the main entrance to the cubicle area so you have to use your time wisely.

Maybe I just need to vent in a massive way. Hold on to your seats.

The 3rd of August was my last proper meal, so that makes seven weeks living on yoghurt, rice, cous cous, chicken soup and tuna. I’ve lost over 2 stone in weight and, perhaps, my sanity. I haven’t been able to even think about eating most days as I feel constantly sick and every time I do try to eat something I’m overcome with horrendous pain. Not a drop of food, liquid or otherwise, was consumed in the first 2 weeks.

I don’t know what to put it down to. I’m taking some medication which was prescribed for my arthritis but also is used in my particular type of bowel disease; although it’s only used to maintain remission. If you haven’t reached remission it’s not going to be of much help. It has, however, been good for my arthritis. I’m less stiff and have less pain in my hip than before I started on these tablets so that has to be a plus. I’m still in constant pain with my back and have developed a couple of lumps in my side.

I have regular blood tests run as these tablets can have a negative effect on the liver but, surprisingly, the results for the set that I had done a couple of weeks after this all kicked off where fine. My inflammation levels were still up but were a lot lower than they have been in the last 3 years. An achievement in itself.

I really don’t know where this is going to bear with me.

I think the biggest problem I have at the moment is with work. My boss has taken it upon himself in the last month or so to be the biggest arse on the planet. Last week he sent me an email that basically blamed ME for someone else’s sheer incompetence. I won’t go into it now because I’ll just end up even more wound up, but today he actually said to me that I wallow in self pity.

Should I be feeling that I have to apologise for being ill? I hadn’t even said anything to him that was in any way shape or form health related.

I give up. I can’t keep having this battle on a daily basis as I have enough to put up with.